Intimacy runs deep in our house. It is multilayered and often thought or spoken about. It can be the source of an argument and the source of an amazing, mind-blowing night. No matter how it is viewed, intimacy plays a large part in the social climate of my household.
Sometimes I have an unhealthy view of the part intimacy plays in our lives when I think it might control me. Other times I have a much more healthy perspective and I realize intimacy is not the tail wagging the dog. And while sex is also a daily part of our social climate, it does not mean that we only have intimate moments for the sole purpose of having sex.
So many people, friends and family members refer to our blog as “the sex blog” with a coy smile and a head tilt. They giggle in embarrassment while others we know never speak about what is written on this blog, still a taboo subject. But, what ends up being missed is the heart of the blog, intimacy—intentional closeness with your spouse. Sex, even, maybe especially, between married couples is such a rocky terrain that the mere conversation about it causes people to run away with their fingers in their ears and their eyes covered. Makes me wonder what their household social climate is like and what they do to feel close and connected with each other. While not a knock on these people, nor do I feel like everyone should read this blog, I am plagued with wondering…
How do others engage in daily intimacy, regardless if intercourse is achieved?
Which really lead me to ask myself…
What would we be like without purposeful daily sex?
Has our streak of 1009 days of sex become an intimacy crutch at times?
How would we deal with life’s comings and goings without the streak?
Am I really willing to give it up?
Without purposeful daily sex our lives would still be full of intimate moments. As many as my husband would like? Probably not, but full nonetheless. On second thought, perhaps there would be more; more touching, kissing and cuddling from a couple desiring closeness with each other.
At times the streak for sure feels like a crutch we depend on to foster an intimate connection we may have been too tired to create spontaneously. We know at the end of the night sex will occur so for those less than touchy-feely days having the streak as the standard helped.
If I had never gone a sex streak with my husband, how would I deal with life’s comings and goings? What would the social climate be? It is honestly hard for me to remember that far back, but my husband would tell you about all the emotional growth we have both gained over the last three years. That growth was, in part, created by the streak. Before I was much more of an emotional loose cannon and Nathaniel was much more in want of physical attention and affection. I am sure we would still be in some version of that without the consistent coming together daily. Constant practice of putting others first makes for a stronger and more mature person.
I am OCD enough to never let go of the streak, but in reality it will eventually fade away like all things. Everything has its time and ours will end with the streak at some point and I will mourn its absence. It has been a good friend.
The streak has taught me so much about who I am sexually, who my husband is sexually and how we need to be with each other to become a stronger, healthier couple. I say it all the time because I know someone will hear it…
Intimacy is more than sex.
Intimacy with a spouse is love, connection and selflessness.
Sex is the culmination of an intimate marriage.