969 days ago I asked my husband to join me on a journey. It was not a journey calculated in miles driven or distance flown, but rather measured in depth; though not even this depth can be enumerated by traditional means of inches, feet or meters. On that day one we could not have possibly known the fruit our streak would bear.
There are so many misconceptions about marriage and sex. The one that irks us the most is that sex sucks once wedding rings slide on fingers. We find this to be such a falsehood, such a lie so many people spout and therefore lead so many others to believe. Sex with the same person day after day after day after day can become all the negative things people joke about, or whine about, or cry about, or go to counseling about if sex with the same person isn’t worked on and cared for by each spouse every day. A marriage filled with nightly sex is awesome but not because we get laid every night (though a great side effect). It’s awesome because it’s a challenge and a coming together, it’s a path we get to forge hand in hand.
Is it hard to have sex every night? Hell, yes it’s hard! Of course it is hard…every great thing in life has its share of hard, sex is not exempt. And we are not exempt from dealing with that “hard” just because we engage in sex every night. The only thing easy and requiring no thought, purpose or work is lust, which is fleeting and unfruitful.
The fruit of the nightly intimate connection my husband and I share can be seen in our children. And I see this as direct proof that sex affects everyone and everything in a marriage.
Or son, whom, I’ve taught very well to explode his irritation, frustration, dislikes, disdain, and anger all over anyone in his path, was revving up in the car for a colossal meltdown. We were all placed securely in a locked moving containment vessel traveling en route to our destination. He had the three of us (me, my husband and our younger son) held captive for his oncoming tirade, a show we’ve seen repeatedly and did not wish to re-watch. The tighter he spun himself into his tornado of anger, the more I felt myself wanting to react back to him. I wanted to snap at his snotty-ness and bite back at his hurtfulness because I was starting to feel hurt by him. But instead of reacting in the same way I normally would have the, opposite occurred.
The angrier he was becoming, the quieter and less reactive I was becoming. And the more I stayed out of the escalation the more I heard my husband’s words to our son. They were words of a cool, rational person spoken in calm and loving tones. I could hear him, his tone, and his peace instead of myself yelling back at my son. I connected with this calm, centeredness of my husband’s words instead of connecting to the harshness of my son’s words and tone. Though I did not say anything to my husband I felt joined with him, on the same page and stronger in my weakness because of him, because of the connection.
That moment of connection, and others accumulating like it, are the direct result of our streak of nightly sex.
In order to have sex every day we had to learn new, more proficient ways to deal with our junk, our problems, our issues, pains, hurts, fears and frustrations from our day to day lives and from those built up from our past. If we hadn’t, the streak would have ended several hundreds of days ago. After a fight or disagreement, hard day at work or trouble with the kids or whatever we used to let get in our way, a streak of sex would have flown out the window and would have been chalked up to just another failed attempt to make our marriage better. But, instead of allowing all the junk from life to hinder us, we chose and continue to choose to work through it as it arises. A skill we are finally, yep, finally even after 969 days, getting the hang of.
Because sex every day forced us to work through our issues we found each other again, but now on a new and deeper level. We learned better and quicker ways to deal with life as a natural byproduct of nightly intimacy. We only have 24 hours each day to figure out our way around the aches and pains of life and still hop into bed together; which has afforded us the constant and repeatable practice to learn to come together, to work together, to parent together and to be married together.
Without the streak could we have, on our own, dug this deep in ourselves and found the same fruit of togetherness? Maybe. Probably even. There are so many ways to dig deep in a marriage, this one just happened to work for us. Sex was our conduit to togetherness and same mindedness. God knew what He was doing when He created sex! We are God’s living proof that the fallacy is wrong and hurtful, married sex doesn’t suck, it rocks! It rocks not because it is sex, but because it is a magnet bringing two different people together in a strong hold. Amen to that!