Nathaniel says…


Should it be considered bad that I love when my wife touches me?  Why did your mind automatically turn to a sexual innuendo?  If you jumped to an innuendo at that first question, do you judge me differently than you judge yourself?  Are you hard on me for bringing up touch when, in fact, you went there first?  Why can it not be viewed as a request for affection, non-sensual and sensual alike?  Is a man too grown to request affection?  Is affection only something grownups think of in terms of raising children?  Why does a grown up get left out?  Is it childish to desire it?  Is it childish to want it?  Is it childish to crave it?  Is it childish to consider affection a part of love languages?   Is it childish to want more than average in a relationship?  Is it wrong to desire more from my relationships?  Is it wrong to want to pour more into my relationships?  Is it wrong to want more poured into me from my relationships?


Can a husband adore, long for, or appreciate affection without being viewed as less than a man?  Can affection be anything other than flirting?  Can a husband enjoy the soft caress of her hands in his hair?  What about her finger tips on his neck, shoulders, arms or legs?   Would that apply to much pressure to the wife to go farther?  Who is applying this pressure, the wife or the husband?  Would the wife always apply it to being about sex and the end result?  Would the husband?  Can a wife enjoy it as part of the relationship without touch leading to sex?  Can a husband enjoy touch without it leading to sex?  Can she caress her husband without having to go there at this moment?  Can she caress him now and go there later?  Can she caress him now and say no later?  With all the negatives associated with the above, how is a wife ever to feel safe touching her husband in any way, shape, or form except holding hands?  Is hand holding enough?  Should it be enough?  If it’s not enough, why?  If it is enough, why?  Who’s the most hung up on the subject of touch?  Who decides who wins?  Is there a middle ground?  Is it ok to touch the outside of his thigh, but not the inside?  Is it better to touch the hand only and avoid everything else?  Is there a safety net to hand holding that ensures sex is off the table?  Is there an assumption sex is on the table if holding hands?


What about her compliments to him?  What if the wife’s compliments did not used to be accepted by him?  What if an overly sarcastic husband received them with self-deprecating humor?  What if he belittled her compliments so much that she didn’t give them as much for a while?  What if he dismissed some of them because he knew how hard she struggled with body image issues and he assumed there was resentment behind her kind words? What if sometimes she retreats into herself and doesn’t give these compliments consistently?  What if he, unintentionally, pushed her into retreat because he wasn’t grace filled in receiving compliments?  What if he realized he was an overly sarcastic buffoon that needed to say thank you, smile and look into her eyes more often?  What if he changed his attitude?  What if he began receiving her compliments with sincerity, love and respect?  What if he began seeing the compliments as playful, meaningful and affectionate?  What if her compliments are now accepted with joy and a grateful heart?  What if they are now seen as the sign of affection they were always meant to be?  Will she see the changes he has made?  Will he continue down this path?


What if a husband views any touch, outside of hand holding, as flirting?  Does he long for it more when not received or resent it more as it goes unmet?  Does his wife view it in similar fashion?  Does this make her afraid to touch him?  What if a wife and husband went on a nightly streak or challenge to have physical intimacy every night?  Will this take the flirting fear off the table?  Aren’t most husbands disappointed when something leads to nothing?  What if one couple didn’t have that worry?  What if they could touch as much or as little as they wanted all day and still find success uniting together?  Can they both have their way, if so, to what degree?  When is enough ever enough and when is too little way too little?  What if the husband gets overwhelmed by life around him and for a time desires touch more than usual?  Is there a way to express it?  Does she have to read his mind?  Does he have to say it out loud?  What if one of his inner desires is to receive intentional affection that is not sex?  Where does kissing fall into this?  Does every kiss have to be foreplay?  Can a kiss simply be on the cheek, the neck, the arm and not just secluded to the lips?  Will it still mean something to him or her?  What if his desire is about more than just sleeping together at the end of the night?  What if that desire exists amidst the stress of the day?  Can it be met with consistency?  Where is the line? The line regarding asking for additional touch and giving his lover the space she needs to replenish?  Does he have the ability to push past all the distractions of the day to meet her needs?  Does she?  Will he accept sexual touch at any time of day?  Will she give it at any time of day?  Is it actually necessary to worry about this?  Won’t he accept non-sexual touch at any time of day?  Won’t she also need space if touch is not her answer? What if said husband feels a longing for the type of touch that reassures him his wife is attracted to, appreciates, and needs him?  What if he feels it today?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s