Sex every day is training.
What are we training for?
We are in constant training for the hard work of keeping our marriage together.
I (Christina) am a runner, a dancer, a writer and a teacher. I went through years of a college education to become a teacher. I have run miles and miles every week for the last two years to consider myself a runner. I write often and I feel off when I do not write. And I was also trained as a dancer from the age of five to the age of, well to current; I never stop gathering information and utilizing practice time when it comes to dance.
But, what else am I? I am a mother, a wife and a sexual being in a committed relationship with my husband. All these take a certain amount and level of training too.
After all my years of taking college classes, working through the credential program, student teaching, subbing and finally getting my own classroom I did not cease to become a teacher when day one or year one was complete. After weeks of rehearsing a dance for a competition, I did not stop being a dancer once the awards were handed out. After publishing an article, blog post or book, I have yet to consider myself a non-writer. And after running a 5K, I still call myself a runner even after passing the finish line.
Why don’t I stop being these things once the main event is over? What if the main event ended in a loss? Perhaps the dance team took no award home. Perhaps no book, post or article ever gets published again. Perhaps I never teach in front of a traditional classroom again. Or perhaps I never run another race. Should I still try? Should I still work hard? Should I still train as if one day I will accomplish some or all of these things?
Why? What is the point of all the training if there is the possibility for no prize to be had? No finish line to cross, nothing to show in a tangible way that I had trained.
The point is actually in the training! Not in the prize.
The prize is a special moment in time not necessarily repeatable, but fun when it does repeat. The pockets of time when I come out as a winner, come out on top, come out recognized and valiant, are for me to cherish in my heart. They fuel a part of me, pushing me to try harder the next time. They are not for me to live off of, feeding from the drying marrow of a time that once was; living vicariously through my glory days, to quote an old song.
For all the things I am, a dancer, a writer, a teacher, and a runner, for all these things that I train for, I can easily sub in the words I am married, I am sexual and I am spiritual, three more things that require a high level of training. This is training in a way that does not appear to produce a tangible reward in the end.
“So”, you may ask, “what does sex everyday train you for, Christina”? My answer, I am training for the marathon that is my marriage. Choosing to be physically intimate with my husband day in and day out (up to 840 now) creates a time for us to focus on each other. Throughout our day we are bombarded with any number of the following; cranky children, homeschool, shuffling people off to grandparent’s houses, work related woes (Nathaniel), household duties and pet care. Then on top of it all, or perhaps buried underneath it all comes sex. In the upside down way of living, kids, life crazies, work and chores, we used to put each other and time together closer to the bottom of the pile, making it ‘one more thing to do’. Ugg! What a burden that was.
People we speak with often think sex every day is the burden. But they could not be more wrong. After 840 nights of this relationship training we are doing, we can safely say, the burden comes from NOT making sex and our marriage a priority, but from refusing to carve out the time to put in the training.
As a caveat, we know you are not us. We know sex every day is not for everyone. We know we are somewhat of an anomaly, and the outliers to common society, but we also know an insider trick to a healthy marriage. No, it is actually not sex every day, but rather the consistent coming together is what helps to bind the couple. (We are firm believers in our Christian faith and deeply feel setting God as the crux and leader of our marriage is the main binding agent to our healthy marriage.)
So, we train. We work out nightly together. But, to get there, harder and deeper work must be done before hand otherwise the sex is of poor quality, inconsistent or non-existent.
What work do we do each day to ensure we can come together each night? We talk. We air out our frustrations in a communicative manner. We walk through the junk that bugs us about life, about each other so as to avoid resentments. We cry together, we laugh together; we spend quality time with each other, with our children and away from technology. We marvel in the simplicity of life, books, nature, and actual face to face conversations with people we esteem as friends to our little family. We hold God close to our hearts while at the same time showing Him and His works off to the world. We stop being all about ourselves and start becoming all about others. In essence, we work hard every day to be like Jesus. It is a huge mountain to climb, some days are better and easier than others, but we are committed to the training because the real reward comes from the positivity we see in daily life not in the big pay out we think we are going to get in the end.