Why I (Christina) Write About Intimacy

 

I (CHRISTINA) am a writer and I had a story to tell, pure and simple.

But, why intimacy? It is a topic that makes most people shy away, defensive, uncomfortable, and angry or any one of a number of negative emotions. Talking about sex makes people crazy, and I was one of them! So why talk about and post all over the internet about a topic that makes me uncomfortable…because for me talking about the uncomfortable means there is something there, underneath the icky feeling, underneath the embarrassment, anger, or sadness, that needs the light of Christ shined on it. I used to (and sometimes still revert back) feel super funky when it comes to talking about sex because of my own past experiences with it. From boys in my teenage/college years wanting not much more than a physical relationship to bits and pieces of memory flashes from childhood of an older man taking advantage of me to a husband who was secretly addicted to pornography for (and prior to) eight years of our marriage, I have had a fair share of negative sex related experiences. While neither I nor my husband are professional sex therapists we do have something to say based on two major factors; our experiences and what God has taught us through those experiences. And those are worth sharing. These lessons are God’s light poured through us and we will not place a bowl over it!

Matthew 5:14-16

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on a stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before me, that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in heaven.

I have a fantastic Bible with tons of useful information. While I was researching the above verse I came across the following information in my Bible.

There are six ways we hide our God given light.

We hide our light by:

Being quiet when we should speak

Going along with the crowd

Denying the light

Letting sin dim our light

Not explaining our light to others

Ignoring the needs of others

 

Being quiet when we should speak

Medical supplies make me nervous. Not so much the wrapped up, unused supplies stored neatly in a cupboard, but tubes and gauze, wheelchairs, ACE bandages, or Band-Aids with ointment. Anything being used for any medical purposes blooms my anxiety. I become filled with nerves because I feel like a person’s medical needs are super private, though often times the need has quite a lot of visibility. I feel talking about sex and intimacy can fall under this category of anxiety for most people, including myself pre-blog. What I’ve come to learn is, people often want to talk about their situations whether it is medical or intimate, talking about it releases their own desire to address the elephant in the room. And thus, I do not think I should be quiet about healthy, married intimacy because there is a lot of weight and value in the conversation.

 

Going along with the crowd

When people go with the crowd regarding discussing sex and intimacy it goes one of two ways; Not talking about it/talking about in in a very obtuse, generalized way, or keeping the conversation on abstinence and teen pregnancy issues. My husband and I go against the crowd, think outside the box and hang with the outliers because this is a place of growing depth. While there is nothing wrong with starting a conversation on the surface (a lot can happen there) but one cannot remain a surface dweller. To grow one must dive deeper. We are unafraid to walk against the crowd. We are unafraid to walk in the dark where the people are strange (to quote The Doors).

 

Denying the light

God is a growing a light in me and in my marriage. This light is meant to be shared because it is rooted in Christ. I have been without His guidance regarding sex and intimacy; I have done it my way and not succeeded. Now, I am purposefully inviting God to lead me in my intimate life. Because I have invited Him into the most private areas of my life I am reaping the benefits of His guidance. I can’t not share that!

 

Letting sin dim our light

Addiction, anger, and selfishness, these are all aspects my husband and I are working on so as not to let sin darken our light. When I allow sin to cloud my life I don’t connect well with God or my husband because I am stuck in myself instead of being open to

 

Not explaining our light to others

Our successes in life are God’s graces, His mercies, His love and His rewards. We feel obliged, obligated and honored to tell others where our successes originated and how we have used our blessings, even if it is in an area of life commonly not spoken about.

 

Ignoring the needs of others

While listening and talking with others we see a need for open, real life, getting- to- the- nitty-gritty, honest conversations. People are eager to talk about their intimate lives because keeping it secret doesn’t create space for healthy growth and accountability.

Are we perfect? NO! Do we have all the answers? NO! But, what we do have is God every step of the way on our path through life.

 

How are you hiding your light?

 

 

 

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