A Letter to My Younger Self

 

A reflection on single life-

 

 

Dear Christina,

They told you not to sleep around, but what choice did you have, you were looking for love. You thought love and self-worth would be found in the arms of a guy, but you were never right. Sure some claimed love, but where are they now? Not with you.

Do you remember that trip to Hume Lake with Dad? It was a November with snow and a church with warmth. You sat with Dad and prayed for your future husband, for who God was preparing for you. Do you remember that night, all the other dad-daughter duos sitting close, sweetly in prayer? You were unsure of God’s power then. Unsure He would provide a man. It seemed like a strange request. But I know, sweet young Christina, it worked and he is here with you.

The power of prayer sounds like a cliché, like a bag full of wishes and dreams opened and drifting away.

But I am here to tell you prayer is deeper than a wish and stronger than a dream.

As I see you, my younger self, it is so hard for me to tell you what to do with your life, because through all the hard times, through all the guys you thought loved you and through all the sadness and pain, you grew, you deepened, you survived.

I wish, though, that in those high school and college years you relied on God more. You knew God was there, you knew He was in charge, but you lacked an intimate relationship with God. And had you had that Godly relationship then would your life have turned out the same? Would I be where I am now with my husband?

And where am I, you’ll never believe it young self. The husband you prayed for all those years ago lives and breathes. He is the spiritual head of the household. He is my confidant, my cheerleader, the father of our children and the helpful provider. He does chores and picks up the slack when I am worn. He plays with the kids and disciplines as needed. He calls Jesus his savior and continually leads us closer to each other. He is who you prayed for, though he is not perfect, he is perfect for you in the eyes of God. Had I waited on sex as a teenager, would we be where we are, on an intimacy streak of 753 days in a row?

Maybe.

Maybe we would have started the streak earlier, maybe never at all. Maybe the streak is the sum of our collective pasts colliding together. We are who we are because of whom we were when we were young.

Young Christina, my message to you is Learn and Lean.

Learn from your mistakes, there will be many. And Lean on God in those mistakes, it will bring relationship and intimacy between you and God. As you learn what relationship and intimacy with God are, you will reap its benefits in human connections. Many say “Don’t sleep around because it will ruin you for marriage.” But, it is not really about that. I say don’t sleep around because God has the perfect person for you, you just haven’t met him yet.

 

 

 

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