After hitting two straight years of nightly intimacy (730 days), what did we do on night 731?
Well, we did it again!
Why? Are we really just the neighborhood nymphos posing as normal people or is there something more?
More! More! There is always more!
It is said, “Do anything for 30 days and it becomes a habit”. Add 700 to that and we become pretty invested in that habit. So does that mean every nightly escapade between days 1 and 29 were amazing and days 30-731 and beyond were just a “habit”, ritual, monotonous, single focused, boring and routine?
That could not be farther from the truth.
Within the monotony I do not have to think about the monotony.
In the shower every morning I do not need to think, how do I shave my legs? What is shampoo for? Did I already wash my face? I don’t think these things because the daily bathing routine is happening without my forcing it to happen. I am free to be creative, let my mind wander, chat with God, ponder life or hum a little song. A lot of my introspection, depth and creative ideas flow from the water in the shower. This is the same principle I use when thinking about nightly intimacy.
We turned the act of intimacy into a routine that works for us.
Back in to the shower; ponder with me…what happens when I skip a step? Because that happens, routine or not I am human, fallible, forgetful even in time of rote muscle memory. At the end of the shower if something took me off course for one reason or another like a crying child, a doorbell and an eight year old who thought it would be a good idea to open the door, or just a rogue thought that sent my mind into Wonderland, I end up feeling confused, wondering did I shave today? Wash my face? Rinse my hair? I question. I check. Sometimes I repeat the task for good measure. The hiccup throws me off and whether I laugh it off or get annoyed I realize that I would rather just be back in the comfy spot of my routine.
Our streak of daily/nightly intimacy has become our habit. A prioritized, consciously made habit we both stepped into and stepped up for.
In the beginning the streak was a game, a challenge. We thought we’d get to day 365 and be done, box checked, task completed, move on to normalcy again.
But as year one sailed by and year two began to creep up we realized we stepped into a new realm of normalcy. Now, though we are still considered a couple of freaks of nature, daily intimacy is just normal for us.
It is what we do; it is how we prioritize each other in a very private, personal way. It is different than prioritizing each other by doing your spouse a favor and picking up the chore he/she hates doing (although that is great and has its purpose). It is just between us. A daily moment (or more) that no one else sees or experiences. Sex every day is a moment in our day to be together in the closest way possible.
Because we are so purposefully invested in coming together every day with the goal of personal togetherness we have seen reverberations ripple through our home life with our kids.
The kids never get to be in on those close, personal and private moments Nathaniel and I share but they do experience the effects. The kids see us affectionate with each other and flirty with each other. They see us happy and wanting to be together. They see us on the same page working as a team instead of separate and easily manipulated or pulled apart by a child or each other.
Our nightly intimacy is so ingrained in our muscle memory, it is so a part of our whole day routine that I do not have to wonder or ask or plan for sex. It just happens.
And it does because we have a common goal, purposeful togetherness. What a simple way to define intimacy.
Each night I know sex will occur and it has yet to become a mindless act. Our purposeful togetherness increases our mindfulness of each other and our relationship. Underneath following God, our relationship with each other comes second. Since it does, since we come before the kids we have to/want to/need to put each other first. Both of us must put the other first or purposeful togetherness becomes a tiff, a fight, a tear at the seam of our relationship. Tightening the seams between us keeps us from being pulled apart. Instead of working against each other we realized how bound together we are.
Our ingrained habituated streak of intimacy has given us something and someone outside of ourselves to work toward and for. It is so easy to get wrapped up in myself, all alone on Planet Christina, mulling over my own issues with kids, chores, homeschool, writing, anger, loneliness, leadership, and being a wife. But at the end of the night when the kids are tucked in their beds and it is just me and Nathaniel hanging out watching T.V. or uploading music to our IPods, I know sex is on the horizon. And on those days when I park myself on Planet Christina I know I need to find a way to move on from my woes so I can come together with my husband. Not because he demands it, nor because he is a doormat and not because we have nothing better to do. I know I need to move on from where I can get stuck so my husband and I can be a partnership.
So we prioritize nightly intimacy.
Sex everyday has forced us to work through our issues in a healthy way, with each other as they arise instead of days or weeks later, or stuffing them so far in wrapped with a DO NOT OPEN sign. I mean how could we come together night after night for the betterment of our relationship if all we were doing was avoiding the junk in life and stuffing or negatively redirecting our, “Hurts, Habits and Hang-Ups” (to borrow from Celebrate Recovery) into our vices?
Couples wake up! Stand together and move forward…TOGETHER!
Instead of reading this post (and thank you by the way) and thinking I could never have sex every day, forget it!
I encourage you to read this and ask yourself NOT what is the least I can do for my relationship BUT what is the MOST I can do for my relationship?
Find your own version of our streak that works for your relationship and jump on it!