“Ross, for You, Sex is Always on the Table.”
It is always on the table she told me (Nathaniel). A little background here, we both really enjoy the show Friends. We devoured the series when it originally aired and now love to reminisce during reruns. In one episode Ross made it clear to Rachel that he didn’t want to feel like he was taking advantage of her emotional state by sleeping with her since they were not dating at the time. Rachel’s reply, “Ross, for you, sex is always on the table”.
The “always on the table” reply is one Christina often gave me. Though I heard the words it did not really sink in. I let a million anxieties get in the way and they would take the form of comedic jokes I had heard over the years about the negatives of marriage which I’d match to my own insecurities or resentments (of both myself and my wife). I am an extrovert and I often soak up what I feel my wife’s mood for sex is that night, feeding off her energy level. Our two boys not going to bed on time, a stressful day at home, she needs to work on editing and writing, perhaps she is hurt again from teaching dance classes or the cat barfed on the floor. Anything negative that could have occurred to her throughout the day tended to bum me out. I then soaked up her real or perceived bad mood.
I allowed this negative emotional control to lead me and my emotions and my reactions to Christina which caused me, in the past, to accidentally take sex off the table. I realized I was not working to overcome my emotions or I was appearing depressed even though I was not.
What woman wants to get over a bad day or evening to get intimate with a depressed looking and talking Eeyore type of man? What guy feels like getting excited for intimacy when he’s starting to feel depressed? And on top of that now his wife is mirroring his emotional state right back to him. The honest answer is very, very few if any! I was turning great expectations into failed ones.
“It’s always on the table”, she told me when we started this streak over 573 nights ago. Now that I am more often out of my own insecure way I actually realize how true her words were then and still are now. This eases the anxiety of the night. No longer am I worrying on the inside, is this the night? Is she up for it after her day? Can we really? Then I remember, DUH! You idiot, it is ALWAYS on the table.
Thank God for Christina for helping me through my insecurities. What this streak has done now in me is to allow me to feel and see the need NOT to do it every day. Yes, you read that right I wrote not every day. I can clearly see the balance, the necessity, for days off, a Sabbath so to speak, to refresh and keep it somewhat spontaneous and special. While I can see it and appreciate it we are still, however, on our streak, because that is what is still special to us right now. A break in the future will occur, I just do not know (or care) when. Our streak has and continues to be a blessing. Our own little journey, 365 plus days of intimacy among life’s daily chaos.